


Law & Order

by IncurableNecromantic



Category: Over the Garden Wall (Cartoon)
Genre: Grand Theft Pumpkin, Other, book 'em Beast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 04:56:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4006627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IncurableNecromantic/pseuds/IncurableNecromantic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It turns out that they have very different ideas of what constitutes 'punishment.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Law & Order

“Enoch,” Miss Lulilly said. She was standing at the door of the barn. “Do you have a moment?”

The Lord of Pottsfield glanced up from Miss Elizabelle’s docket of library expenses--perhaps it wouldn’t be too bad an idea to get a little off the top of the flower provisions, now that the season was over--and smiled at the librarian.

“Miss Elizabelle, can I beg your indulgence?”

Miss Elizabelle tittered. He often thought it was sweet, how older female mortals found excessive civility so flirtatious. His preference was more for a sardonic kind of politeness, but earnest solicitude was just the kind of thing to delight an older lady.

“Oh, of course, of course,” she cooed.

“There’s someone to see you,” Miss Lulilly went on. “I met him in the corn fields--bless me, but he gave me a turn--and he says he has something for you.”

Enoch felt his brow pucker a bit. “It’s never Mr. Aspen…”

Miss Lulilly laughed and shook her head. “Oh, no! Mr. Aspen couldn’t startle a lamb, the sweet dear. No, this...goodness, but I suppose he’s a gentleman, not that I’d ever dare swear to it…” She shrugged. “He’s most certainly not from around here.”

Enoch and Miss Elizabelle exchanged a look. Miss Lulilly was remarkably sanguine for someone who’d discovered a trespasser. Most of his people had an absolute abhorrence of them.

“Let me just fetch him. Here you are, dearie, come along, come along in.”

Miss Lulilly led in their guest.

Miss Elizabelle let out of squeak of fright.

The Beast of Eternal Darkness was profoundly out of place besides diminutive Miss Lulilly, especially with the way she led him about with her hand in the crook of his arm, as if she thought he might be mislaid without her guidance.

And the young person the Beast dragged along by the rope in his other hand did only add to the peculiarity of the scene.

“Here you are, dear,” Miss Lulilly said.

The Beast stared at her and then at Enoch, transparently discombobulated. Enoch stared back. He had no better idea what to make of it, which he knew was sort of unfair, considering Miss Lulilly was, in fact, his charge.

“Hope--” Enoch caught himself in time. Calling the Beast by that particular pet name would probably do little enough to soothe the faintly-trembling Miss Elizabelle at his side. “That is, good evening, neighbor. You astonish me. Usually I have to beg to get you on any part of my land.”

“I apologize for the intrusion,” the Beast said. “This will not take long.”

“No intrusion, none at all!”

“Can I get you anything to drink, Mr. Hope?” Miss Lulilly asked. “I’m not sure if you’ve got a mouth in there, but if you do, we’ve got a heavenly cider…”

“No,” the Beast said, carefully extracting his arm from her grip. “Thank you,” he added in an afterthought.

Miss Lulilly, totally undeterred, patted him on his shoulder and showed herself out.

Miss Elizabelle seemed transfixed. Enoch tossed a few idle ribbons in front of her in an attempt to alleviate her dread.

“So, Mr. Hope,” Enoch said, grinning. “You seem to have quite a parcel with you.”

The Beast huffed and yanked on the rope, dragging the quivering young man forward and seizing his shoulder. The youth hit his knees and an ear of corn spilled out of his trouser pocket. From here, Enoch could see that the man had two pumpkins shoved under his arms.

The mortal looked close to tears as the Beast’s hand shifted to squeeze the join of his neck and shoulder.

“Now then,” the Beast crooned. Enoch could hear the indrawn hiss of the Beast feeding off of the young man's despair. “Tell him exactly what you told me.”

The young man sobbed and dropped the pumpkins. “I...I’m...we were starving, and Sally is with child, but our farm spoiled and we have no money for market and I was hunting in the Woods and found the fields and you have so many pumpkins and--”

“Tragic motive,” the Beast said, drumming his fingers mockingly on the man’s throat. Oh, he was _enjoying_ this. “Still theft.”

“Theft indeed,” Enoch hummed. “And more. Not only have you stolen my crops--you’ve disrupted the calm of my town, interrupted several important meetings with my citizens, and inconvenienced my neighbor.”

“I didn’t know!”

“How could you not know you were stealing pumpkins?” the Beast asked. He squeezed hard.

“I didn’t know they was owned by demons!” the youth wailed.

“Hmm,” Enoch murmured. “This is very grave.”

“Please,” the youth mewled. “I have a wife. A child! They’ll die without me!”

“You’re beyond that now,” the Beast intoned. “You’re beyond any help, yourself.”

“It’s true. There will have to be a reckoning,” Enoch said. “After all, you haven’t even attempted to apologize…”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

Enoch gave him an annoyed look. It was no good begging now, when the damage had already been done. Those pumpkins were sure to rot before anything useful could be done with them.

“It saddens me to find you so ill-mannered, young man,” Enoch said, tendrils swaying, “but I can find it in me to forgive you for that, considering the very dire straits in which you have found yourself. All the same.”

The young man swallowed thickly and Enoch leaned down closely to stare in him the face. The Beast held his captive as tight as he could.

“I’m going to have to punish you,” Enoch said.

The young man gave himself over to blubbering.  The Beast hummed deeply.  

“By the order of the Pottsfield chamber of commerce,” Enoch pronounced, “I find you guilty of larceny, trespassing, disturbing the peace…” He paused. He wanted to have a little fun with the young fellow, but from the way he oozed and mewled Enoch somehow sensed that he wasn’t going to be resilient enough to protest.

What a shame.

“For these crimes, I sentence you to…”

Enoch drew himself up, knowing he seemed rather impressive when he extended to his full height. The young man blubbed. The Beast emitted a fine, soft hiss, drinking in the youth’s vanishing hopes.

“A few hours of manual labor.”

The Beast reacted first, shoulders hitching up. “A few hours of _what_?”

“Manual labor. Working off the price of the pumpkins. We’ll have to put a meal in him to make him fit to work, but we’ll just add that to his tab.”

The Beast let the youth go and lifted a hand to his face, but he said nothing.

“A few...just a few…?” the young man choked.

“Yes, Enoch,” the Beast asked in an entirely different tone. “Just a few…?”

“Certainly.” He rolled his head around, as if he was reconsidering. “Unless you’d prefer I hang you for a scarecrow. We could use a new one…”

“No! No!” the youth cried. “I’ll do it! I’ll do anything!”

“Excellent,” Enoch said. He let a few arms fetch one of the iron balls and chains from the back of the barn and brought it forward. He clasped it around the young man’s ankle and spirited the pumpkins away. “I’ll see that these are chopped up and preserved for you. You’ll never eat a whole one before it rots, be you ever so hungry. And they’ll be easier to carry, too. As for the work, I imagine that Mr. Pearson can come along to keep an eye on you and make sure you get fed.”

“Y-y-yuh-yes,” the young man babbled. “Yes! Of course!”

Enoch nodded his head. “Why don’t you head on back out. We’ll have a torch put together for you--I expect you’ll want to work now and get back to that lady of yours as soon as ever you may.”

“Thank you! Yes!”

“Then off you go.” Enoch flicked a few tendrils to shoo the young man off. The man tried to stumble out of the barn, only for the Beast--who had been standing there with his left arm crossed over his stomach, the right elbow propped on his left hand and his right hand covering his eye-socket in a splay-fingered kind of way, as if inexplicably irritated--to reach out and snatch him.

“I,” the Beast said, gripping the already-abused shoulder, “will see him out.”

Enoch smiled to himself and watched the Beast frog-march the mortal out of the barn, deposit in the custody of Miss Lulilly, and close the barn doors behind him.

“Well!” Enoch said. “Not the most pleasant surprise in the world, I’m afraid, but I’m very pleased that you brought him to me.”

The Beast made a frustrated noise. “Enoch, this mortal stole. I brought him out of my Woods for the express purpose of giving him over to your judgement--”

“A favor I sincerely appreciate, Beast! You’re too kind.”

“--and all you want is the sweat of his brow?” The Beast snorted. “Take the whole head!”

“Oh, nonsense. What am I going to do with a head?” Enoch chuckled. “No, a few hours of decent work will do. And naturally the boy will have to be carefully watched, to make sure he doesn’t run off without answering his debt, but that shouldn’t take too long…”

“Enoch,” the Beast growled. He didn’t seem to have any idea what to follow it up with, and just seethed for a moment or two before his mood iced over and he dropped his shoulders.

“Of course, he’s all yours once I release him from his duty,” Enoch said mildly. “He’ll have to walk through your Woods to get home, won’t he?”

“He’s buoyed up with hope, now,” the Beast said. “It will take me some weeks to get him planted. I might as well follow him home and feast off the woman’s recovery for a while.”

“Not a bad plan, at all!” Enoch tilted his head. “I confess I’m surprised you brought him to me in the first place, neighbor. He was in your Woods and well on his way to being half-dead. I would’ve thought you’d snap him up with pleasure.”

“I decided you might have some prior claim, considering his burdens,” the Beast replied. “And anyway. I was interested to see what Pottsfield justice looks like.”

“Ah! And have you found it informative? What do you think?”

“It is indistinguishable from mercy,” the Beast stated. He looked over his shoulder. “If that is all--and it seems to be all--I will take my leave.”

“So soon?”

“I only came to drop off a scofflaw. Your infamous hospitality will not trap me today. I must say good night.”

“Well, if you really must. Can I see you to the borders?”

“...are you asking or insisting?”

“Insisting.”

“Very well.”

Enoch began to untangle himself from his rafters only to pause when he felt Miss Elizabelle tug on his ribbons.

“Oh,” he said. “Just one moment, Mr. Hope. Won’t you wait outside for me? I’ll be right out.”

The Beast gave him a stare. “Yes,” he said, and slipped quietly through the barn doors.

Enoch lowered his head to the ground to hear Miss Elizabelle better.

“Enoch,” she said in an urgent tone of voice. “Is that the neighbor you mentioned?”

“Yes, Miss Elizabelle. That’s him.”

“My goodness gracious,” the elderly lady said. “Bless my soul.”

“Hmm?”

“Well. It’s not everyone who’s so conscientious of another person’s property! It’s very chivalric.”

“How right you are.”

“I decl _are_ ,” Miss Elizabelle said, putting a hand on her heart and coming down hard on the ‘are.’ Enoch smiled at it. He had to hand it to mortals. They might only be amateurs in the arts of symbolism and layered meanings, but they could pack a wealth of significance into a single syllable when they meant to.

“I think the budget looks just fine, Miss Elizabelle,” he said. “We’ll discuss it at the next meeting but I have a feeling that will be pure formality. It will go ahead without a hitch.”

Miss Elizabelle curtsied. “Thank you, Enoch. I’m very pleased! I’ll show myself out through the back.”

“Thank you, Miss Elizabelle. Do talk to Mr. Pearson if there’s anything you want the boy to do for you. I think he could stand to paint a shutter or two and meditate on his crimes.”

“Oh, thank you! I will, I will. Now, as for you, don’t you leave that...er,” she said. She thought for a moment. “Well, I’m sure ‘nice young man’ isn’t quite the thing to call him…”

“Not a single word of it fits, I’m afraid.”

“Oh, dear me. Mr. Hope, then. Don’t keep him waiting!”

Enoch untangled himself from the barn and stood up with a broad grin. “Good evening, Miss Elizabelle.”

He watched her trot away and made for the barn doors, humming to himself.

Well, this was going to be all over Pottsfield come sunrise.


End file.
